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no more xanga for this kid.
www.panacea-music.com
will be up eventually, and will include
photos! words! music! yay!
so long, sweet xanga. you've been
good to me.
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[oh pretty baby.]
this same kid watched drama on television and gasped in comparison to
his life. the trivial familiarity humored him to a certain extent. he
had something precious, and delicate. at times it fit in the palm of
his calloused hands. if he believed in anyting he believed in her. a
messy room lead to destruction of something innocent. a lonely night
lead to experimentation with his own skin, how much it could bear.
everything's got a reason, every day's got its path. every movement has
it's chord on the piano; a smile fit a white key, a tear was found atop
on the blacks. coincidentally his hands felt softer atop the darker
keys and played the same old tune until she safely returned his calls.
his creator recommended help. therapy in fact. a bloody example of
capitalism; what makes another so in tuned to charge hard earned cold
blooded cash to sit in comfort and listen.
[lend a ear to feed my children.]
he wouldnt give in. no one could quite possibly understand him. fuck he
couldnt understand himself. his thoughts like a scractchable lottery
ticket, a fortune dare lie beneath the dirty substance; but he's living
in a edgeless dimension, let god cry if he could find himself something
to uncover what his thoughts mean....and discover stability.
[everything has an equation (!)]
he saw a movie once but really just respected the script. there is an
equation for every peice of your day. he set his alarm to give enough
time to wake, refresh, eat and be to work on time. so many numbers in
one little action. she's home safe. oddly it gives him strenght to push
on. its hard to find beauty these days. if shes gone its black.
goodnight sweet.....i meant it when i said i love you. those other kids
are catching on. something tells me nobody could feel this way.
something tells me this feelings been copyrighted somewhere in los
angeles. something tells me were all dead before we try.
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honestly just updating to state some things. i dont care if anyone
reads this, what they think, etc. its 4 in the morning and anyone in a
state of mind like this should be put in a padded room.
1.) i really envy my friend mary who is in london for the summer. your
in a beautiful place that has some tradition and culture, and your
experiencing something that will change your life and give you
something to look back on. you've acquired my complete jealousy.
2.) the genre's of music has gotten completely out of control and needs
to be stopped. there is rock, rap, country, r and b, and classical/new
age. end of story. the word emo needs to be shot down. for the history
of emo please google it and solve the mystery. dont let your high
school hallway fool you. its gotten out of hand.
3.) kenny chesney is not country. johnny cash, loretta lynn....that is country.
4.) godspeed you! black emperor may be the greatest band in the history
of this planet. conor oberst is a fucking prodigy and any
singer/songwriter should envy and study this man. he owns all of you.
yes, even you on the local scene.
5.) the fact that we have political parties has just dawned on me as
weak and totally contradicts unity within the country. i know its used
to expresss different opinions, but its turned into some big civil-cold
war, and is lame. suck it up and play nice with others.
6.) things are turning to shit.
7.) love is....man. i think it can kill you. i've heard people can
actually die of fright. i think it may be possible to just keel over by
the stress you can actually feel combine in your chest. i can see it
happening. but then on the oppisite of this, it can keep you going, and
keep the child-proof cap on a bottle.
8.) the country is over-medicated, and our standards for depression
should be raised. the current events of the world should call for a
raise in what is 'average' and normal, so that way one in two people
cant say they are bi-polar. i match every symptom for every disease and
its kind of dumb, really. i dont have time or money to 'cure' that bee
ess. bah.
9.) for all you fucking bro's with your attitudes of feeling/acting
genuinely better then everyone....well...keep it up. its fucking
hilarious. and all those flakey worthless girls who thrive off such
attention and like being toyed as objects, well, keep pickin them up,
so they leave us alone.
10.) i miss real people.
11.) i would pay to see bill oreily and michael moore duke it out in a boxing/wrestling ring.
im going to write music for the rest of my life, so if anyone wants in
contact me. i've already made the decision and well that's how it has
to be. so ill see you around. maybe in london. or japan.
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if you happen to read this and are bored, i played around with my
synth, digital recorder and guitar tonight, and came up with this
little diddy. its instrumental with a distorted grand, a phased-bass
line and a little driven guitar. the peice still needs to be put
through some mixing software to get the best sound out of it, but its
late and i still have a lot of music software to learn. but i wanted to
upload it for the shit of it, mostly for my closer friend (occasionaly
that word grows plural) to listen. so enjoy. while listening i came up
with a projective title, 'we judge by color! we bleed a shade of
green!'. dont ask.
so here it is. hopefully some more to come this summer. again this was
done in probably an hour, no mixing or mastering or external effects
added so its not exactly ready to be copyrighted. just for fun.
*** [Click me to
hear what a twenty year old insomniac does after a righteous Memorial
Day!]  ***
Hooray!
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